How Can I Help My Child Make Friends at School? Practical Strategies for Parents

In Summary

• Making friends is a skill your child can learn, practise and develop over time, just like any other skill.
• One meaningful friendship can be more valuable than being part of a large friendship group. Quality matters more than quantity.
• Small, consistent steps at home and school are often more effective than making big changes all at once.
• The strategies below are informed by published autism research. Where evidence is still developing, we acknowledge this so families can make informed choices.

When parents come to see me, one of the first things they often share is something their child said after school: “Nobody played with me today.” It is the kind of sentence that stays with you because, as a parent, you want to solve it immediately, while also knowing you cannot choose your child’s friendships for them.

One thing I regularly remind families is that making friends is a skill. Like communication, learning and other developmental skills, social skills can be taught, practised and strengthened over time. Children with autism can and do develop meaningful friendships when they have the right support, guidance and opportunities.

Every Child Connects in Their Own Way

I encourage parents to think about friendship more broadly than they may have considered before. For one child, friendship might mean joining a large group playing on the oval. For another, it may mean having one classmate who enjoys the same game and sits with them during lunch.

Both are examples of positive social connection.

Rather than measuring friendships by the number of invitations or how large a child’s friendship group is, consider asking:

• Does my child have someone they enjoy spending time with?
• Does my child feel comfortable and accepted at school?
• Would my child prefer one or two close friendships rather than a larger group?

Understanding what friendship means to your child is the most important step towards building genuine connections.

Why Making Friends Can Be Harder for Some Children with Autism

School friendships can be complicated because playground interactions move quickly and rely on many unwritten social rules. Children are expected to read facial expressions, understand tone of voice, join conversations, enter games already happening and manage unexpected changes.

For some autistic children, these situations can require extra effort.

• Reading facial expressions, body language and tone of voice may take more time and concentration.
• Busy and noisy playground environments can use up energy needed for social interaction.
• Talking about a favourite interest can be a wonderful way to connect, but may be difficult when a peer does not share the same interest.

In my experience, children in this situation often care deeply about friendships and genuinely want to connect with others. They are simply still developing the skills needed to navigate social situations confidently.

Signs Your Child Wants Friends, Even If It Does Not Look That Way

Children communicate their desire for friendship in different ways, and some signs can be easy to overlook.

You may notice your child:

• Talking about certain classmates at home, even if they do not play with them.
• Watching other children from the side of a game.
• Asking about parties, playdates or sleepovers.
• Coming home upset, quiet or unable to explain what happened.
• Playing beside other children rather than directly with them.

I encourage parents to view these behaviours positively. A child watching from the edge of a game is often learning the rules, observing others and building confidence before joining in.

Practical Ways to Help Your Child Make Friends

The strategies below are commonly used in autism support and social skills development. Some approaches have stronger research evidence than others, so consider what best suits your child’s individual needs.

Practise How to Join In

Joining a game that has already started can be one of the most challenging social skills for children. Practise simple phrases at home, such as “Can I play too?” or “What are you playing?”

Role-playing with toys, siblings or parents can help children feel more confident. It is also useful to practise what happens when the answer is no, because handling disappointment is an important friendship skill every child needs to learn.

Keep Playdates Short and Structured

For many children with autism, a successful first playdate is often simple: one child, a familiar environment, around an hour, and a planned activity before the visit begins.

A shorter, positive experience can help build confidence more effectively than a long playdate that becomes overwhelming.

Notice and Celebrate Small Wins

When your child has a positive social interaction, describe exactly what they did well.

For example: “You asked Priya what she was building, and she showed you. That was a great way to start a conversation.”

Specific feedback helps children understand which social behaviours they can repeat in future interactions.

Build Friendships Through Shared Interests

Shared interests can create natural opportunities for friendship. Activities such as chess clubs, art classes, sports groups or interest-based programs can give children a structured environment where conversations and connections develop more easily.

Allow Time to Recover After Social Activities

If your child comes home tired, quiet or overwhelmed after a busy social day, this can be a normal response. Recovery time helps children recharge and prepare for future social experiences.

Working with Your Child’s School

Teachers see important parts of your child’s day that parents may not always see, making them valuable partners in supporting friendship development.

Consider asking your child’s school:

• What do break times and playground interactions look like?
• Are there lunchtime clubs or structured activities available?
• Does the school offer buddy programs or peer support?

Smaller, structured environments can often make it easier for children to practise social skills than large, unstructured playground spaces.

It is also helpful to share what works at home, including your child’s interests, strategies you are practising and early signs that your child may be feeling overwhelmed.

When Additional Autism Support May Help

Consider seeking extra support if your child:

• Feels upset about school most days.
• Is regularly excluded or experiencing bullying.
• Has stopped participating in activities they previously enjoyed.
• Is not making progress despite ongoing support.

Additional support may include social skills groups, one-on-one therapy focused on communication and play, behaviour support or a therapist working alongside your child in their classroom.

If your child receives NDIS funding, these supports may fall under capacity building supports. Your therapy provider can help you understand what services may be available within your child’s individual NDIS plan.

Small Steps Lead to Meaningful Friendships

Building friendships is rarely a straight path. There will be positive days, challenging days and small moments of progress.

A conversation at lunch, joining a game for a few minutes or saying hello to a classmate may seem small, but these moments build important social confidence over time.

With patience, the right strategies and appropriate autism support, children can develop the skills and confidence needed to create meaningful friendships.

Frequently Asked Questions

My Child Says They Do Not Want Friends. Should I Just Leave It?

Not always. Some children are genuinely happy spending a lot of time alone, and that is completely okay. However, in my experience, some children say they do not want friends because previous attempts at connecting have been difficult or disappointing.

The best approach is to stay supportive and avoid pressure. Continue offering small, low-pressure opportunities for connection, such as shared activities, interest-based groups or short play opportunities, while respecting your child’s comfort level.

Is It Normal for My Child to Have Only One Friend?

Yes. One consistent, kind and supportive friendship can be a wonderful outcome. Friendship is not about having the largest group—it is about having meaningful connections where your child feels accepted and comfortable.

Just like adults, many children benefit more from a small number of close friendships than from many surface-level relationships.

Should I Tell Other Children That My Child Is Autistic?

This is a personal decision for your family and, as your child gets older, it should increasingly involve their own preferences and choices.

Some families find that sharing information about autism helps classmates understand differences and provide better support. Other families prefer to share specific needs without disclosing a diagnosis, such as explaining that their child may need quiet time or extra support in certain situations.

Your child’s teacher, behaviour support practitioner or therapist can help you consider the best approach based on your child’s individual needs and comfort.

How Long Does It Take to See Improvement in Social Skills?

Every child develops at their own pace. Many families I work with notice small changes within a few months, such as their child joining a game, starting a conversation or mentioning a classmate they enjoy spending time with.

Building lasting friendships and stronger social skills usually takes ongoing practice, support and patience. Progress often happens through small steps that gradually build confidence.

Can Therapy Really Help Children Build Friendships?

Yes, with some important considerations. Research suggests that structured approaches, including peer-mediated interventions and group social skills programs, can support improvements in social interaction for autistic children.

No single approach works for every child. A skilled therapist will usually break friendship skills into smaller, achievable steps, practise them with your child, and help transfer those skills into real-life situations such as school, playgrounds and community activities.

Glossary

Capacity Building

A category of NDIS funding that supports the development of everyday skills and independence, including communication, social participation, building relationships and joining community activities.

Early Intervention

Support provided during a child’s early years to help develop important skills when learning and development are progressing rapidly. Early intervention may support communication, behaviour, social skills and daily living abilities.

NDIS (National Disability Insurance Scheme)

The Australian Government scheme that provides funding and support for eligible people living with disability, including therapy services and supports that help children participate in everyday activities.

Parallel Play

A type of play where children play alongside each other rather than directly interacting. Parallel play is a common developmental stage and can be an important step towards cooperative play and friendships.

Peer

A child of a similar age or developmental stage, such as a classmate, friend or another child in the same social environment.

Peer-Mediated Intervention

An approach where classmates or peers are taught strategies to support inclusion and interaction with an autistic child. This approach helps create more natural social opportunities rather than relying only on adults to teach social skills.

Social Skills

The everyday skills children use to interact and connect with others, including greeting people, taking turns, joining games, sharing interests, communicating needs and having conversations.

Need Support with Your Child’s Social Skills?

If you would like to discuss social skills support for your child, contact our friendly intake team to learn more about Lizard Centre’s programs and how we can support your child’s development.