Friendship Skills: Helping Your Child Navigate Social Connections

Friendships enrich our children’s lives in countless ways, including providing companionship, building confidence, and creating opportunities for joy and belonging. For children with autism, the social world can sometimes feel like a puzzle with missing pieces. The unwritten rules, subtle cues, and complex dynamics of friendship don’t always come naturally.

The wonderful news is that social skills can be learned. With the right support and plenty of practice, your child can develop the tools they need to build meaningful connections, whether at school, in the neighbourhood, at family gatherings, or in community activities.

Understanding the Social Landscape

Social interactions involve a complex set of skills that many children pick up intuitively. For children with autism, these skills often need to be taught explicitly. Rather than being a limitation, it is simply a different learning style that responds well to clear instruction and supported practice.

Your child might excel at following the stated rules of a game but struggle with the unstated expectations of play. They might genuinely want friends but feel unsure how to start or maintain those connections. Understanding that these challenges are skill-based, not a reflection of your child’s character or potential, opens the door to meaningful progress.

The Hidden Rules of Social Interaction

Every social situation has unspoken expectations that can be tricky to navigate. These “hidden rules” vary by context, age group, and setting, but teaching your child to recognise them builds social awareness.

Taking turns in conversation. Friendships involve a balance of talking and listening. Help your child understand that conversations flow back and forth—sharing something about themselves, then asking about the other person, then responding to what they’ve heard.

Reading the room. Different settings call for different behaviour. The playground has different expectations than the classroom, which differs from a family dinner. Talking through these differences explicitly helps your child adapt to various social contexts.

Matching energy and interests. Successful social interactions often involve noticing what others are interested in and finding common ground. If a peer is excited about a topic, showing interest, even if it’s not your child’s favourite subject, builds connection.

Knowing when to step back. Sometimes others need space or aren’t available to play. Teaching your child to recognise signs that someone is busy, upset, or engaged elsewhere helps them navigate social timing.

Joining In: Entering Group Activities

One of the trickiest social moments is approaching an established group. Whether it’s children playing at the park, a game at a family gathering, or an activity at a community group, knowing how to join in is a valuable skill.

Watch first. Encourage your child to observe for a moment before approaching. What are the others doing? What’s the game or activity? This helps them enter in a way that fits what’s already happening.

Find a role. Rather than trying to change the activity, help your child look for a way to contribute to what’s already underway. “It looks like they need someone to be the goalkeeper” or “Maybe you could help build that part of the tower.”

Use a simple opener. Practise straightforward phrases like “Can I play too?” or “That looks fun, is there room for one more?” or simply “Hi, I’m [name]. What are you playing?”

Accept the answer gracefully. Sometimes the answer will be no, and that’s okay. Practise responses like “Okay, maybe next time” and help your child find another activity without taking rejection personally.

Maintaining Friendships

Starting a friendship is one thing; keeping it going is another skill entirely. Friendship maintenance involves ongoing effort and attention.

Showing interest in others. Encourage your child to ask questions about their friends’ lives, remember details they’ve shared, and follow up on things that matter to them. “How did your swimming carnival go?” shows care and attention.

Being a good winner and loser. Games and activities are part of many friendships. Help your child practise winning graciously (without boasting) and losing with dignity (without becoming upset or blaming others).

Sharing and compromise. Friendships involve give and take. Sometimes you choose the game; sometimes your friend does. Practising flexibility and taking turns with decisions strengthens social bonds.

Reliability matters. Being a good friend means following through on commitments and being someone others can count on. If your child says they’ll save a seat or bring something to share, help them remember to do so.

Repairing Misunderstandings

Even the best friendships hit bumps. Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and disagreements are normal, and knowing how to repair them is essential.

Recognise when something’s wrong. Help your child notice signs that a friend might be upset: changes in tone, facial expressions, or behaviour. “Your friend went quiet after that. I wonder if something’s bothering them.”

Take responsibility. If your child has done something hurtful, even unintentionally, acknowledging it matters. Practise simple apologies: “I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

Listen to the other perspective. Understanding why someone is upset requires listening. Encourage your child to ask “What happened?” or “How did that make you feel?” and really hear the answer.

Move forward together. After addressing a misunderstanding, help your child transition back to positive interaction. “Thanks for telling me. Want to play something together now?”

Handling Rejection

Rejection is a painful but inevitable part of social life. Building your child’s resilience helps them navigate these moments without lasting damage to their confidence.

Normalise the experience. Everyone experiences rejection sometimes. Knowing that even popular, socially skilled people sometimes get turned down helps your child understand it’s not a reflection of their worth.

Don’t take it personally. Often rejection has nothing to do with your child specifically. The group might already be mid-game, or the other child might be having a difficult day. Helping your child consider alternative explanations reduces the sting.

Have a plan. When rejection happens, having a next step prevents your child from feeling stuck. “If they say no, you could ask someone else or find something fun to do on your own until another opportunity comes.”

Process feelings later. In the moment, staying calm is key. But it’s important to acknowledge hurt feelings afterward. “That was disappointing when they said no. It’s okay to feel sad about that.”

Role-Play Games to Practise at Home

Practice builds confidence. These simple activities help your child rehearse social skills in a safe environment before using them in real situations.

The Conversation Game. Take turns being the “conversation starter” and the “responder.” The starter shares something (about their day, an interest, or a feeling), and the responder asks a follow-up question. Then switch roles. This builds the back-and-forth rhythm of conversation.

Join the Game. Set up a pretend scenario where family members are engaged in an activity. Your child practises approaching, watching, and asking to join. Take turns being welcoming and (gently) declining so they can practise both outcomes.

Friendship Repair Station. Act out scenarios where something has gone wrong. For example, someone’s feelings were hurt, a misunderstanding occurred, or an argument happened. Practise the steps of apologising, listening, and moving forward together.

Hidden Rules Detective. Describe different social situations (a birthday party, a library, a sports game) and brainstorm together what the “hidden rules” might be. What behaviour is expected? What might seem rude or out of place? Make it a game to spot as many unwritten expectations as possible.

Feelings Charades. Take turns acting out different emotions while others guess what feeling is being shown. This builds your child’s ability to recognise emotional cues in others—a foundational social skill.

When to Seek Additional Support

If your child consistently struggles to make or keep friends, experiences significant distress around social situations, or has difficulty understanding social expectations despite your efforts at home, professional support can help.

Social skills programs using behavioural approaches break down complex social interactions into teachable components. A behaviour analyst can identify specific skill gaps and create an individualised plan to address them systematically. Many children thrive with structured social skills teaching that complements their learning style.

Building Connection, One Skill at a Time

Friendships may not come as naturally to your child as they do to some peers, but that doesn’t mean meaningful connections are out of reach. With explicit teaching, supported practice, and patience, your child can develop the skills to navigate social interactions with growing confidence.